Chapter 30 - When two worlds collide

We’re back in the air vent. We are waiting for the muscles to start squeezing us out, to give birth into the cruel, dangerous, unknown world that lies beyond. Yertjuk is my umbilical cord. He is the support that I need right here, right now, but when I get outside, he will become my twin, I guess. Our plan is simple and dangerous. All guns blazing, surprise and destroy. Basically it’s a matter of now or later. We could not do this, but we will get caught. It’s simple. At least now we are prepared. Prepared and ready. I hope we have the element of surprise. 

I collapsed earlier. I was dragged here, into the vents. I was told I went crazy and barged into a room and started blazing. I must be dreaming. I only go crazy in dreams. And in my head. It’s not a public thing for me. It’s left me bloodthirsty. And injured. I destroy. I have been given this right. I can take away your life. I can give you your life by walking away. It is in my hands. I am almighty. I am God. Can you not see? Through my birth, yours will be taken. How ironic can that be? When I escape the womb of my mother, I will be left harsh and cold, and I will take you from your comfort. Who will escape? Who is there to escape? Death is immortal. Life isn’t. And I am the taker. I will become Bateman. Who is my mother, who is my father? Well, I guess I have all that left to find out. But in the mean time. You should take me seriously. Very seriously indeed. For we are here now. My period of incubation is over. Now I am ready to become whole

***

I look around me. Everything is in slow motion. I scrutinise everyone’s exact movements. Everything they do is registered in my brain, analysed and stored. There was someone who wanted this to happen. There is someone who allowed the human to escape. There is someone who attacked the Earth. There is someone who wants this to happen. I know now what I want, and it is not this. It is not all this. A thousand years ago, or so, it was like this. People came onboard the ships. Money and status were everything. That’s what life was. But money and status could not get you everything, it was found out. Some were able to gain hold of bigger apartments. Many, who felt they deserved it, did not. There were those of lower classes who got virtually nothing. Instead of two distinct classes, everything broke apart into three, four different classes. There were distinct lines. There was much resentment. People turned against each other. People believed that it was their right to have everything that they felt was coming to them. Basically, they felt they deserved everything, and that means Everything. That’s what people wanted, but they realised here on the ship that they could not have it. You would have thought that maybe class lines would have broken down, maybe. 

The biggest apartments really were not that much bigger than the smallest. But people knew that it mattered. It mattered. Class lines became more important. Over the years, people started to buy plots of land on the Earth. Nobody really knew the conditions of the areas they were buying, whether they would be desert, urban, country, even sea was sold to those who were desperate. It did not matter about climate or harsh conditions, the state of the world, whether those areas would be rich in deposits or not, maybe the most barren areas in the world. They staked their claim to the most amounts of land that they could possibly get. Eventually it became decided that everyone should have right to a couple of acres each, those on the left wing said that. It was fair. But with this fight for land came huge status symbols that the families knew that they would be able to carry with them forever. 

In fact, I believe that there is not an inch, perhaps, of the Earth that has not been sold off. The money went to the Government. It was able to repair for damages on the ship. Nearly a thousand years of space-flight, and the ship is going to fall into disrepair at some point. It was with this greed that came the desire to control. The desire to control has led to the desire to overtake. To overtake means to destroy at any cost. People don’t care about the Earth. They only want to have it. To stick two fingers up at their neighbour. 

The fleeing of one world has led to an invasion of another, we were initially going to go there to ask for help. Help, maybe to carry on our way if we needed to, to find a new planet. That was maybe the idea, or if we could co-habit, we would co-habit. But the pride of people has led a cry of help to turn into an invasion. Greed has led a voyage of discovery to turn into a mass destruction of life, of civilisation. Of any glory that once might have been. We are selfish, and I know that I got caught up in it. I am guilty. I am more to blame than any one else. And yet, I feel like I had no choice. I was thrust into the role of Supreme Leader. I never wanted it. Never, ever. But people believed in me. Or at least my naivety.

I looked around me, there was only one option for me. I was cursed to be born into this point of history. To be the one who had to be there when we reached Earth. I gave the people what they wanted, because I had no choice. But what people want is not always what they believe they want. People believe that they are good people, and when they find the chance to pass the blame, they pass it. I was the fall guy, and yet I did nothing to stop it. I am evil. I am stupid for never, ever thinking this before. I’m such a self-pitying fool

***

And I am reborn. I AM Reborn and it’s there for the whole world to see. I am not Ash. I am Reborn. And I am born into this world, the tunnel having finished with my conception. And I come out head first, then I am all here. Born into this birthing pool, no, swimming pool, with only Yertjuk to assist my birth, who follows me down.

I look around in this swimming pool, there are people everywhere, but I look at them and they drown. Yertjuk looks at a good swimmer and he drowns. Everywhere I look, there are people drowning. This is bad. We need a lifeguard somewhere, to stop this. Treading water, I find the lifeguard. I look at him, though with a willpower that is essential, I stop him from drowning.

***

I look at my watch. I don’t know why, it seems such a non-essential thing to do at this time, but it… I am facing the human, right now. At half-past two. It’s like, I don’t know why it’s taken so long for him to be here, it’s like I want to remember this exact moment for the rest of my life, it’s like he is too much to bear and I can’t look into his eyes. I am not surprised. I am not shocked by this sudden arrival. It does not bother me that he is with one of us. Paranoia has kept me on guard, waiting for any sudden movement, and to know that my actions have caused someone to turn against me leaves me... almost relieved, glad to know that people are turning against me, that that much is not part of my imagination. But why am I glad? Is it just a sudden momentary moment of elation to know that I was right, before the truth really hits, that the horror that I actually want will hit? But he’s there, the human. Finally. But I still have appearances to keep. “My word, you took me by surprise. I don’t think. And being very brave as well, I see. How amusing.”

“Hands up, you scum!”

I’m searching around for his entrance. We have guards on every door, so it is unlikely he came from there. There is an empty space in the ceiling. That, at least, impresses me. 

The human is holding a gun, and he is pointing it straight at me. Part of me starts shouting “Shoot me! Shoot me!” until the voices come through my mouth, and my whole body screams it, desires it, wants for it to happen. And the surge has risen, it consumes my whole body, waiting for that bullet to come, and still I scream out “Shoot me! Shoot me!”, but alas it never comes, and I fall, my body weakens, yet I stand there dejected. 

“So that’s where you were hiding,” but that comes out weak. I compose myself. Build up my strength, though it never comes. “In the air vents. My word. How original. I must say, I’ll have to remember that one in the future. Darn clever.”

***

This is taking too long, now. I had hoped it would be instantaneous, but I have to play the hero, putting myself in danger by giving theses swimmers a chance. It’s taking too long and I’m getting tired treading water here. But I am certain, certain that this is the lifeguard. “I said, put your scummy hands in the air or else I’ll kick your scummy butts to oblivion and back, so eat scum, you scummy scum... SCUM!”

***

I don’t know what else to do, so I put my hands up in the air. Though there is no actual tension here. There is still, always, time for rational and logical thought. 

“You are bleeding. You are bleeding badly. Are you alright?” He is swaying where he stands. I do not feel that he is going to last very long. He takes a step towards me, but stumbles and falls. Yertjuk runs over towards him and helps him up. I stand there, helpless. Watching this. Slowly, I become aware of a figure, standing between us. And I think I want to talk to her, though I take some steps towards both her and the human. 

***

I don’t understand what he’s doing, what he’s saying. But it’s my time to talk now. I swim over towards him, very slightly. There is an undercurrent, but it really is not very strong. There are barely any waves like I would have expected. This is not going right. The water is a light blue. What one would expect maybe, but it seems too normal. I distrust it. I won’t be happy until it’s, I don’t know, red, black maybe? But it’s my turn to speak now. “No I darn well am not, scum.” 

I try to move forwards again. But no. I am finding it very difficult now. Yet there is a figure between the lifeguard and me. I know that I should know her, but I can’t make her out. I try to move forward more, but it produces waves of nausea throughout my body. I crumple forward, trying to breathe in, deeply. Still feeling sick, I face the lifeguard again. I raise the gun, once more. My hand is shaking, terribly. 

***

I bring my hands back down. In these circumstances I feel slightly silly with them in the air. It does not seem necessary. “Do you…” I am almost too afraid to ask this question. I suddenly become aware of everybody around me, just watching, just staring. I can see a security team in the background, waiting for a sign from myself. I can see medics, but they are not tending to the wounded, they are watching the proceedings. I look at Skernajj. He looks back at me. I cannot read his face right now. I look at Dritkil, individual crewmembers. This is a moment in history. This the moment in history that I’ve been waiting for. 

I guess it’s simple really. All I want to do is just perform one simple, but perfect action, one life changing moment that is perfect, that will affect everyone, forever, for the better. I want to do this to redeem myself, for the failure that I feel I am. To redeem myself against the ugly image that I feel I am. To prove to myself, that just once, I can do this, by luck or by skill. Just once. Me. I would not feel, or I do not feel that I would need to do it again. As I will have proved myself to myself. Maybe I will desire to search for that moment of perfection again, to improve it. But that is too far away to worry about now.

And this is that moment in history now. The future of humanity, the future of Trascons will now be scripted. By me.

I look at Yertjuk. He is now supporting the human.

“Do you need any help?”

There we go.

***

I smile. Because. The smile turns into a grin. The alien looks at me as if we, together, have achieved something great. I push Yertjuk away from me. The grin seems to be pulling at my face, an unknown force taking control and the only way I can release the force is to let it out in one burst of laughter. It has given me strength, now. And once again, I point the gun at him. I can only scream at him, scream in his face, he who has started walking towards me. He who is offering me help. He who is appearing in the form of some kind of lifeguard. I look at him and I scream. I scream “Why?! Why, you bastard?!” That feels good, though I still have more to say. “Why let my people die? Why attack my world?” I say this calmer, with a hint of pleading. It seems to work, though.

The waves suddenly start to do nothing, but the undercurrent is extremely strong now. And it’s pulling towards me. However, my strength has gone. My legs start to give way. Yertjuk is there to catch me. To stop me falling. 

***

He is right, the undercurrent is pulling towards him. Yet there are no waves here, because I am looking death in the face. He is the taker of life, and I feel strangely calm. I don’t want to play my cards wrong here. Because I might get what I want, after all. Yet he has asked the question that I never dared to ask. And there are no answers. None that I can give truthfully. None that I can answer honestly and believe in. There are no answers.

“Shall I get him, Sire?” asks Skernajj. He is about to walk over to him. 

***

And to the left of my eye is someone swimming towards me. I swing my gun over to him, but he is told to stop, I swing back. My head is slowly beginning to ache. Just a pounding. And a pounding. And more pounding. But despite this, I need an answer. I have to know. 

“Well?”

***

I am not searching for an answer anymore, because I know that there is none. Instead, I just have an empty feeling inside me. A need to cry and a need to be strong. My breathing has become staggered as this emptiness just grows inside me. Surges of blood as my heart quickens. A glance from this figure, it is Holly, and I know that I should speak my truth. “We need help.” I pause, looking straight into the human’s eye. “Can you help us?”

***

“And how the fuck do you want us to help you? Share our planet with you? Is that why you came along with a friendly manner? Tell me, why should we help you? Because if we don’t, you’ll blast the fuck out of us some more until you get your way? Just how stupid do you think I am?” This exertion of energy has caused spots to form in front of my eyes, for my lips to start tingling, and my mouth is drying up. “I am here to stop you from doing this. But tell me, why should we help you?”

***

The human is looking extremely pale, and whether he realises or not, he is slowly sliding down Yertjuk’s arm. “We are not going to attack you any more. I can promise that. We can help you out as well. Don’t you realise that? We can give you medicines, knowledge, technology…”

***

“What, the knowledge and technology to fuck ourselves up even more? Yeah, nice one. We don’t need that! We’re fucked up enough.”

I have paused. The currents are swirling at the moment. The tides are springing up, slightly, the water turning a pale green. The air is like it’s turning to ice, solidifying above my head. I pause. I am finding it hard to breathe, to think. There is… no, the current is moving away from me, there are waves crashing all over my head, there is nothing. The lifeguard is a cliff. He is not human. He is as immovable as a cliff. I cannot think. The air is solid now. I have no way out, and all I know is that I have to find a way out. More importantly, I have to get Out. This causes the air to soften, slightly, and I duck under the water. I swim as hard as I can, holding my breath for as long as I can, until I reach the edge of the air-ice. I pull myself out of this, gagging for air.

“Why do you think that there is going to be space on Earth, anyway? Where would you all fit?”

***

I move over to the human. “What have we done?” is the only question I can think to ask him right now.

***

In front of me, the world is slowly starting to fade away. I can see only two people right now. I can see the one that I have been talking to, and I can see the other figure, who is Holly. She comes over to me and whispers to me that I am dying. This, I repeat to the lifeguard, who has now crouched down to me. I tell him that he has done more damage than can possibly help anyone. He looks so hurt. Holly takes my hand. She holds it tight. The lifeguard asks me what they can do now. I tell him to talk to Earth. That is the only way. Perhaps they would be able to help. But both sides have to show an understanding of each other otherwise nothing will be achieved. I can only whisper into his ear. I have little energy for anything else. The world is getting darker. And this is no cliché. It is just the truth. I hold up my gun. He takes it. I don’t see what he does with it. 

***

I lean in towards the human. There is something that I have to say to him. I can see him with Holly. She is holding his hand. There is some kind of a connection there that I cannot make. I know she is not real. I know she does not exist. But I have to ask him anyway. “Find her for me.”

***

There is a darkness now. Before a cool, gentle, relaxing breeze takes me away.

***

I look around at my assembled crew. People start moving again, now that this little spectacle has ceased, but we have casualties. His weapon did have an effect on us. Why did he not notice? I turn around and say to them “War only leads to death.” I still have the human’s gun in my hand. “Let mine be the last.” I put the gun to my head.

I have to find Holly for myself. There is something I need to talk to her about.

Epilogue - The end of a…

Space, endless, eternal. Unknowing. Unknowable. Free. Everything and nothing. Just float there for a moment and you will find how peaceful it is. How beautiful it is. 

So what happened? People who believed that they were doing the right thing suddenly realised that they had picked up all the momentum towards heading for a war. Could this ever be justifiable? And the people decided not. 

William had many choices that he could have made. And he chose. Maybe he did have some outside influence, but he made his decisions. And when the time came to do something right, he ran away. A symbol, a declaration of peace, no matter how dramatic or final, does not result in peace. Positive actions have to be put in place. William could not do this.

Ginger fought in a war he never actually sought to stop. But he learnt something. And when the time came, he chose not to run away, but to confront the oppressors and make sure that they confronted him. Ginger learnt something that William would never know. That war, or any force of aggression, can never lead to peace. It leads to death. Unfortunately, it is only through death that the participants can ever find peace.

And this where I, Holly, came into the story. Many people find peace through love. A harmony between others. If you seek peace, I will be there with you. If you don’t, I will only be there as a desire, as a fantasy. But not real. 

But Bateman is a different story. He is not the taker of life. He is a part of life. Bateman is what you experience when you really experience life. But for most, he comes only when a life is threatened, when you become aware of your life, and when it might go away. It is sad, and he can be there for you in joy, but you have to let him in, and embrace him. But most won’t.

But what of our two stars? Well, Ginger unwittingly found the peace he deserved, but not in the form that he wanted. He needed me in life, not in death. But right now, he is floating in his own warm space. Oblivious to everything. Oblivious to himself. Bateman found him in the negative sense. He never searched for that. But when he needed to, Ginger discovered that he did not need me to take him to peace. That he could do it himself. 

William still had a choice to make. He chose the wrong one because he allowed himself to embrace Bateman in the negative sense and could only find me in the negative sense. If only he had reversed that situation. 

The pain that some people feel is real. And I wish I could be there for them. But if they cannot find peace in their heart, or if others do not allow that peace, can that ever be right? I wish that people did not need to run away from their problems, to stand up to them. Sometimes it is not just possible. But if you are that person, or if you know that person, support yourself. Support them. Do something. Do not give up, because once you give up, you have given up. Then what are your answers? 

Space. That is where we find William and Ginger now. Our story of obsession, of isolation and of conflict is now over. And this is the result.

Rest in Peace.

So it became